AFrayedKnot

Tobacco use, drinking, entertainment choices, clothing choices, and social functions are a few examples of issues that require interpretation and discernment.

Because of this, different people come to different conclusions on these issues. Rightfully so. They are difficult to discern and require much prayer and consideration. We would be wrong to claim that all issues are easy to deal with.

Even on a secular scale, organizations have rules that have been established through interpretation and discernment.

If you are ever part of an organization, then more than likely you have been under the authority of a rule that you don’t agree with 100%. Actually, I would think that everyone has been or will be in this situation at some point in his or her life.

How should a Christian respond to rules they don’t agree with? I have a few thoughts on the matter. Feel free to accept or reject these as you wish, as well as to add your own thoughts in the comments section.

With Understanding. Rules are in place for a reason. They aren’t just random, happenstance things. So ask yourself this question when trying to understand a rule, “What is the heart of the matter that this rule represents?” Let me give you an example. I might not agree that it’s wrong (by par) to go swimming with a member of the opposite sex, but I do agree about being very wary of being in a situation where I am tempted to lust. So while I don’t agree per say that mixed-swimming is wrong 100% of the time, I do understand where that rule comes from, and I have great respect for those who would go to such great extents to avoid sin. Try to understand the reasoning behind a rule. This will help you deal with it much better.

With Honesty. What is your motive for having an issue with the rule? Is it because you actually believe the rule is doing more harm than good, or is it because you take offense with someone infringing upon your rights? Please, be honest with yourself about your motives.

With a Servant-like Attitude. One of the themes of the Apostle Paul is that of submission. He urges Christians to submit to authority in the church. He tells slaves to submit to their masters. He encourages people to submit to the government. He tells families to submit to each other. The whole point is because we all are meant to “look out not only for your own interests, but also the interests of others.” Submitting to a rule I don’t agree with is an act of humility because I am putting the needs of a community above my own.

With a Submissive, Humble Challenge. I do believe it is important to challenge rules that need to be changed. Let’s face it, some rules are outdated and possibly even irrelevant. They need to be updated and adapted to today’s society. Or, they might just need to be erradicated altogether. However, if you’re not following a rule, you have no right to challenge it. What grounds would you have on approaching an administrator at your university to discuss changing a no-smoking rule in the dorm when you consistently break that very rule? Your name and word would have no validity whatsoever with that administrator. But if he or she knows you submit to that rule, and are going through the appropriate avenues in order to change the rule, then you will probably earn a great deal of respect from that administrator. Then, he or she will be much more willing to listen to your concern.

When faced with a rule you don’t agree with, try to understand the reasoning and thoughts behind it, be honest with yourself and others about your motives, see how you can serve others in the situation, and submit with humility in order to gain credibility to challenge the rule. Meanwhile, may God grant us mercy.

Yesterday was one of those days when you have too much to do and not enough time to do it.

Ever had one of those days?

For some reason, I have taken it upon myself to change all of Christendom for the better, and especially Free Will Baptists. Here’s what has been rolling around in my head:

• Tweaking The Brink Magazine
• Getting a designer for TheBrinkOnline.com
• Getting writers for TheBrinkOnline.com
• Podcast idea for The Brink
• Conference for FWB young adults
• Being a missionary to my neighborhood
• Church History I
• The rest of my seminary degree
• Greek I & II
• Christmas gift for Lynsey
• Website for the conference for FWB YAs
• Role at church
• Splitting our small group
• How all FWBs can get along
• YA ministry in my local church
• One Vision conference at church

It is sometimes difficult to understand that I can’t change the world in one day. It all doesn’t come quickly. Some things take time. What is important now are the things that need to be taken care of at this moment, in this instance. The rest has a time. God will bring those things up when they need to happen. Worrying about things in the future is doing my current situation an injustice, because now needs the most attention.

D6 stands for Deuteronomy 6.

It references the famous passage where God told Moses to love God and to teach the things of God to children.

So D6 is an initiative to get people to love God and talk about the things of God with their family. Owned by Randall House, D6 wants to do this through two things.

1. A Curriculum
2. A Conference

The curriculum is age-graded devotional magazines and small group or Sunday School material. Every age group studies the same biblical theme each week, and most groups study the same Scripture passage as well. A D6 family is a family who is studying the same part of the Bible at the same time in their own respective ways, and then talks about what they are studying together and apply it to their lives–just like how God commanded Moses in Deuteronomy 6.

Find out more about the age-graded devotional magazines here.

The conference is a gathering of thousands of influencers of families who are longing to implement the principles of D6 in their communities, churches, and homes. This happens through great speaking from some of the most passionate people who are in family ministry. Speakers include:

• George Barna
• Darren Whitehead
• Dave Ramsey
• Jim Daly
• Fred Stoeker
• Dr. John Trent
• Angela Thomas
• Mark Matlock
• Tim Hawkins

All of these speakers and more will culuminate on one city on September 23-25, 2009–Dallas, Texas.

For more information on the D6 Conference, go here.

That, my friend, is D6.

Welcome to part 3 of How to Get Your Small Group Talking. Here is part 1 and here is part 2.

How you respond when someone converses is vital. It impacts whether or not that person will speak again, as well as whether or not someone else will respond (when someone in a discussion group speaks, other members notice how the leader reacts).

There are no doubt many more, but here are a few tips on responding to a member’s comments with assurance.

Check your body language. Your body language sends a message. In fact, it communicates more than your literal words do. Here are some pointers I stole from my good friend Neil Gilliland (Hey Neil!):

• Square Up–if at all possible, set your shoulders centered on the person speaking. It shows your attention is on them.
• Open Up–don’t fold your arms or cross your legs (where appropriate). It sends a message that you are willing to accept what they have to say.
• Lean Forward–it gives the impression of eagerness. Leaning back implies you are apathetic.
• Maintain Eye Contact–they don’t have to be looking at you, but you have to be looking at them. If not then it gives the impression that you’re not paying attention.

Sound back their thoughts. It’s really a quite simple task. When someone says something, just state it back to them in a different way.

Example (a members comment):

The Lord has really shown Himself to be a shepherd to me by way of my job.

Your response (sounded back):

So the Lord really guided your decision then.

The response doesn’t really have to say anything profound or revelatory. It just needs to let the person speaking know that you are listening.

Ask follow-up questions. These questions are not difficult. You just ask them to probe a bit about the intent or background of a person’s statement. The easiest and most effective one is “Why is that?”

To encourage discussion in your small group, try these three things of checking your body language, sounding back a thought, and asking follow-up questions.

Not only should a small group leader be seated when he or she is leading a discussion (part 1 of this series), they should also ask good questions. I know, I know. This seems like a no-brainer. But you would be surprised at how stifling some questions can be versus how inviting others can be.

There are three types of questions. Closed, limiting, and open.

A closed question (aka “Jesus questions”) has one definitive cut and dry answer. Example: Based on Genesis 1, who was the first man ever created?

These type of questions are terrible for discussion. Please, do not ask them. Instead of encouraging discussion, these questions discourage discussion. The reason is that the answer is so obvious that it is pointless to answer. Personally, I find questions like these to be a little insulting. Imagine reading Psalm 23 in a small group setting and asking “What does God say he will prepare for us in the presence of our enemies?” You have to give some respect to young adults in order to gain some, and questions like these are not respectful. They are for toddlers. It’s like the Sunday School class where the answer to every question is “Jesus”.

A limiting question has a few definite answers, but provides options for a response. Example: Use one word to describe the tone of this passage.

These questions are good for starting a discussion. They are easy to answer, but still broad enough so that someone can personalize their answer. Don’t expect someone to bring out deep truths from a question like these. That is not the intent. The purpose is to get people talking initially, let them feel comfortable, and to sort of break the ice a bit.

An open question is reflective, focuses on application, and doesn’t necessarily have one objective answer. Example: How have you seen the goodness of God like David mentioned in your life?

This question is great for discussion because it forces someone to think about what the text means (Psalm 23), internalize it, and form an answer to give to everyone in the group. It encourages application and community. And community is exactly what a small group is supposed to be.

Quality discussion is essential for the health of a small group. If you’ve ever led one, then you know that to be true. It can be very frustrating to lead a small group and have very few people (if any) respond in discussion. So, what can you do to get people to talk in your small group? There are several things that can help, but the first thing that is essential is to . . .

Sit Down

Do you stand while everyone else sits? Don’t. Standing implies that you are the one who has the floor. It does not evoke discussion one bit. Of course you are the leader of the small group, but people know that even when you’re sitting down. Don’t give in to the thought that your group won’t respect you if you’re not standing. That’s not true. Standing gives the impression that you are about to point where everyone needs to go, while sitting implies that you will go somewhere as a group. Standing is for lecturing. Sitting is for discussion.

To get your small group to talk, the first thing you need to do is sit down.

I first read Blue Like Jazz at a friend’s house somewhere near the center of the Bible-belt. The book has sold over a million copies and even landed on the New York Times best-seller list. A guy named Steve Taylor got his hands on it and decided there should be a movie made about a particular scene in the book. If you’ve read the book, you’ll no doubt remember the scene where Miller set up a confession booth at an extremely God-hating school. Along with this scene, there are a few characters from the book that stay consistent in the movie. Other than that, the movie is different.

Miller, Taylor, and Ben Pearson have been working on the screenplay for about 2 years. Now they are looking for funding, and plan on shooting the movie in Portland in ‘10.

Here is the site for the movie.

Here is Miller’s blog.

Here is Miller’s website.

Because people insinuate (not you of course), take note that I do not neccessarily agree or disagree with everything Miller says. Be a discerning reader for Pete’s sake. If not, I hear vegetables are taking applications.

Shaun Groves’ Website

The way some talk about their vote, one might think it was an easy decision for them. It wasn’t for me. It was incredibly difficult.

A few months ago I decided I was going to try my hardest to be as objective as possible in deciding who to vote for in this election. This is because in ‘04, I was not very informed about the candidates or issues (Bush vs Kerry). If you asked me who I voted for, I could tell you who, but I felt like an idiot if you asked me about any issue other than abortion (I had no clue about the mindset behind either party). That, in my mind, is not an informed voter.

I tried to throw out preconceived notions about party affiliations. This helped me understand that Republican ≠ Christian and Democrat ≠ UnChristian. This was vital in helping me believe that there are good and bad in both parties (and both presidential candidates). Being biased toward one political party made me assume that if any good came out of the other party, then there had to be some sort of loop hole or something; and that if anything bad came out of MY party, then there had to be some sort of misunderstanding or exaggeration down the line. In order for me to be unbiased, I had to view the parties as not connected with my faith. I wanted to view truth as just that–undiluted unbiased truth.

The first reason this was so difficult is because of the influence of my upbringing. I remember watching the election updates on TV when I was a kid. Whenever a state would come up red, my parents would cheer. Add that to all the people who would request prayer “for our nation” or that God would “give people wisdom.” I got the impression that what they meant was that God would help people to understand that everyone should think like they think. I might have been wrong about their motives, but the message from all of this is that there is a right way to vote, and that way is Republican.

Another instance that illustrates this is when I voted in ‘04. I was walking up to the school where I was registered when I saw a Christian friend who was representing a Republican nominee for a local office. He urged me to vote for the person he was representing. I told him that I didn’t know anything about who was running in any office besides president. He said that I should just vote for the Republican then, because they are good. His message was clear: Republican = good. I went into the voting booth and voted Republican straight down the line even when I had barely heard of any of the candidates. (This example is one of the reasons I find it very dangerous for a Church or pastor to endorse a candidate. Also a reason I am extremely wary of endorsing a candidate myself.)

The second reason it was difficult to decide is because of the media. It seems it’s ok nowadays to say anything in order to win–from both parties. Messages approved by presidential candidates contain blatant half-truths. That’s what I am in a habit of calling lying. It was incredibly frustrating to me to actually want to learn and know what a person represents but in order to do that, have to wade through a barage of garbage from each candidate! Whenever I see an ad approved by a political candidate, I get a message. And that message is that that candidate is so concerned about winning that he would compromise his character by purposefully saying things that aren’t true. How can I give my consent to someone like that!? This is so damaging! All of a sudden you’ve got millions of Republicans scared to death that Obama is a terrorist and millions of Democrats believing John McCain is on his death bed.

Another reason it was difficult for me is because of the fact that both parties support things I agree with. While the method for getting there is different, both candidates know that people need help with their health care. And helping people is a good thing. Amongst other issues, I’m split between the parties. The example I’ll use is abortion vs war in Iraq (I realize one issue might be weightier than the other). I do feel we were misled (at best) in our reasons for being in Iraq. I do think some type of reaction after 9/11 was necessary, just not sure Iraq was the best. I am not sure as to the effectiveness of our being there (the media comes into play here). I wonder if we are there for oil, which if that’s true, then we are just plain greedy and gluttonous. On the flip side, I do think a fetus should have the right to life, but I think I should be literally doing something to help the issue as opposed to just spouting off what I’m against. So you see, it’s very complicated for me here.

The last reason it was difficult for me is because of the value I want my word to have. People don’t think their words or support mean anything. My word is very important to me. I want to know I can trust the people I vote for. I want to be very wary of supporting someone who doesn’t believe the things I believe. And since no candidate is going to do that, I found it very difficult to even vote at all.

So with all of this in mind, I prayed quite a bit. I asked certain people how they decide who to vote for. I read people’s views of why they intended on voting for certain people. I debated about the topics, read the articles, watched the videos, rolled my eyes through the debates, laughed at SNL, and wrestled with all of it in the process.

Then today came–the day to vote. I drove up to the school . . . stood in line . . . handed my voter registration card to a lady . . . signed a piece of paper . . . walked up to the voting booth . . . sighed . . . prayed . . . crossed my fingers . . . hesitated . . . and then pushed a button.

1. Dress up as one of the candidates and impersonate them the entire time. Get your friends to act as body guards
2. Read The Audacity of Hope or Faith of My Fathers aloud
3. Dress up like Jesus
4. Sing “Don’t Stop Believing” as loud as you can. Playing an instrument or having 80’s hair gets you bonus points
5. Shave the face of your favorite presidential candidate into your hair so they can’t keep you from promoting within the 100 ft limit
6. When you walk into the booth and close the partition, wait 5 seconds, then scream, “I JUST CAN’T DO IT!” Then storm out, weeping.
7. Keep asking people around you if they make more than $250,000 a year.